Reflections....??

I was just wondering... Is Jesus true? Is God true? What if what I "believe" and what other people "believes" is just a product of one's imagination? I know, it's a sin to doubt Him. Well, I can't help it. It's a part of growing up, right?

I grew up with nuns and priests. I was often told that I am lucky to have spiritual mentors like them. I am a Catholic, yes. But it doesn't keep me from having second thoughts about my faith. Maybe I'm fragile. My faith is fragile. I do not know. I am a part of a religious organization, I am involved in a bible school, I go to mass for like twice or thrice every Sunday (well, that's because I'm a choir member and I play my violin in the church), I am a catechist (I teach with my friends), and I join youth congresses, but still, I have A LOT of questions in mind like "Why did Lucifer became a fallen angel if he doesn't see anything wrong with the so-called kingdom?" The sisters (a.k.a. nuns) said that God is a loving God and that Jesus is loving and very kind-hearted and that He's the perfect man. If what they said is true, then,, why did God turned the wife of his loyal servant Abraham into salt? Why did he kill almost all of His creations? (Noah's Ark) and if Jesus is really a nice person, why did He call His mother "woman"?

• Jesus turned to His mother and said "Woman, behold thy son!" (John 19:26)

• And they ran out of wine, since the wine provided for the feast had all been used, and the mother of Jesus said to him, "They have no wine." Jesus said, "Woman, what do you want from me? My hour has not come yet." His mother said to the servants, "Do whatever he tells you… tasted the water, and it had turned into wine." (John 2:3-5)

He should have called her "mother", right? And He even said (not to His mom) "How stupid are you for not seeing God's love?" Man! He doesn't have to call them stupid. It's not nice.

There are a lot, I mean, A LOT of teachings about Catholic faith but all have different versions. Who will I believe? What is it, really? Is there a God? Why can't people see Him? Is He a "He"? Who knows? What if what people believes in isn't the right thing? What if in the past, a carzy man started babbling about how God created everything, that He sent His only Son to save us from our sins... blah blah. The ancient people are a lot more... ummm... No, not stupid... hmmm.. uncivilized than us, modern people right? What if the ancient people believed the crazy man and they started writing the bible? What if the writers of the bible are not really "inspired by the Holy Spirit" and that they're really not "the chosen ones"? What if everyday is really not a miracle, what if it's about scientific whatsoever stuff?

I just realized that I really have a weak faith... and if ever hell is true, then, I'm sure I'll go there for doubting God. It's a good thing I didn't turn into salt. *lol* Speaking of hell, that's also something. Others say that it's a state of being, while others say that it's a place where bad people go when they die.

People say that God is a mystery.. but why? To confuse people? Or is it because they just can't explain who He really is, but they want others to believe what they're saying? If God is true, then why don't He come down from up there (if He really is in heaven) and tell the people "Yo! I'm God. I created you, but when I created you, you're not like that. What happened?" That'll make things easier to understand, right? If He really is true, then I admit my own stupidity. ^_^ And if my "judgment" came, I'll be happy atoning for my sins.. I'll probably burn in hell.